I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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