Define "chronic" masturbator.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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