It's Friday. Sex?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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