id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
