he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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