Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Maybe he injected his testicle?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
