You're so nebulous sometimes
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
