she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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