goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
