Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
