8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
