are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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