also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
