I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
