i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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