There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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