Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
