Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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