i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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