we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
