So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
