No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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