I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
