How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
These tits shall not be calmed
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
