You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
