It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
