Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
