I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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