I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
