Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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