I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
