he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
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Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
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Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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