So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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