to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
