God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
