So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
