i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
