fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
