I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he shaved USA in his pubs
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You left your phone here
Wait...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
