weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
