They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize
