So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
