im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
