hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
