Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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