I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
