"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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