True but thats because hes a fetus.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
