Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We left the knife in your bed.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
