youre lurking in front of me
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
