So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Alive.
So much puke
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
