i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
