I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
