Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
