If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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