If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
