My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
