U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
