Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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