At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
