yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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