Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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