he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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