I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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