i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
