I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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