I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear on the fireplace
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize