i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
