its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
