i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
