Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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