just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
