I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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