...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
smell my finger.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
