put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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