I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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