so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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