Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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