i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
