So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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