Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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