Buhtt sex?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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